My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
