Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize