If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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