Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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