So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
