why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
