Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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