dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
