you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
