We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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