They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
