i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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