I should be sponsored by Trojan
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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