I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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