dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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