i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
