words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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