Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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