Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Randomize
