Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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