Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
