Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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