Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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