I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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