he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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