Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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