matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My first STD was from a foam party
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
