Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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