i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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