dude i'm inner monologue high
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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