When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
