i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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