Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
