is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
