I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize