I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
