Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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