Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
