So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
