Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
