I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
