im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
