if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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