just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
