I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
