the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
