Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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