I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
