I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
