Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
