Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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