I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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