Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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