Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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