i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
