You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
