drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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