Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
