I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
