nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
